The following are some further thoughts, following on from my post on men and shame. The issue of the relationship between women and men’s shame should be addressed more closely, because there is an awful lot going on there.
I noted in passing that the popular feminist narrative of ‘the Patriarchy’ is marked by a blindness to the immense power that women wield in human society. Of course, if you focus narrowly upon power in its more overt and direct forms, as feminists are inclined to do, then clearly men are the far more powerful sex and, in a vision of the sexes that generally ignores natural differences, also clearly oppressors. Men are physically stronger, more agentic, naturally enjoy more autonomy and independence on account of their less demanding part in procreation, and are able directly to impose their will upon the world and society to a degree that women cannot. Practically every dimension of the material, technological, institutional, and political structure of practically every human civilization was primarily established by men and is still dominated by them, even as our societies go to considerable lengths to fight against this. While there has been plenty of male tyranny over history, this difference in the capacity for subduing the world and exercising dominion over it does not ultimately arise from tyranny, even if in certain respects it has often been accentuated by it.[1] However, this is far from the full picture.
The fuller picture is one in which the overwhelming majority of men are deeply concerned about what women think of them. Although they exercise more direct power, men’s power has always been exercised largely in order to attract women’s attention, to please them, and to get their approval. As some have wittily remarked, the man may be the head, but the woman is the neck that turns him.
The immense yet indirect power that women wield is an essentially good power, a power that God designed them to have. It enables women to motivate, direct, and inspire men. Through this power, women can bring out the best or the worst in men. They can inspire men to virtue and noble deeds, they can draw them into sin and error, or they can crush them with shame and judgment. Beauty has the power to tame beasts and overcome dragons. Through their influence over them, women can take the dangerous powers of men and direct them towards that which is good, giving men purpose, motivation, and a focus for their God-given energies.[2]
On the other hand, as Proverbs frequently reminds the young man, there are few fates worse than having to live with a nagging wife. If you marry a contentious woman or you act in a way that is displeasing to your wife, she can and probably will make your life a living hell. If you choose wisely, though, the picture will be very different: a gracious and wise wife who is joyful and thriving will be the glory and crown of her husband. As Paul reminds the Corinthians, the married man is naturally heavily preoccupied with concern about how to please his wife. And, if he isn’t concerned about that, he is a fool who will likely suffer dearly for his folly.
1 Esdras 4:13-32, while apocryphal, expresses a viewpoint that strongly resonates with scriptural teaching and narrative on this matter:
Then the third young man, Zerubbabel, who had spoken of women and truth, began to speak: “Gentlemen, isn’t the king great, aren’t men abundant, and isn’t wine strong? Who is it, though, that masters them or rules over them? Isn’t it women? Women give birth to the king and to all the people who rule over the sea and land. From women they all are born. It was women who brought up those men who plant the vineyards from which wine is produced.
“Women make men’s clothes. They bring men honor. Without women, men aren’t even able to exist. If men gather gold and silver or any valuable thing, and then see a desirable and beautiful woman, they forget everything to gaze at her. With mouths wide open, they stare at her. All choose her over gold, silver, or any other valuable thing. A man leaves his own father, who raised him, and his own country, and clings to his own wife. With his wife he departs this life, with no memory of his father or mother or country. Therefore, surely you must recognize that women rule over you!
“Don’t you work and labor, yet you bring everything and give it to women? A man takes his sword, goes out to travel abroad to raid, steal, and sail the sea and rivers. He faces lions; he walks in darkness; when he steals and robs and plunders, he carries it back to the woman he loves. A man loves his own wife much more than his father or mother. Many men have lost their heads over women, and have become slaves on account of them. Many have perished, stumbled, or sinned because of women.
“Now don’t you believe me? Isn’t the king great in his authority? Don’t all countries fear to touch him? I once saw the king and Apame his mistress, the daughter of the eminent Bartacus, sitting by his right side. She took the crown from the king’s head and put it on her own head, and slapped the king with her left hand. At this the king would stare at her with his mouth wide open. If she smiles at him, he laughs; but if she should get angry with him, he humors her so that she may be reconciled to him. Gentlemen, aren’t women powerful, since they can do such things?”
The woman is the glory of the man. She is the one who captivates his heart. In her commentary on the Song of Songs, Cheryl Exum observes the way in which the man expresses the woman’s power over him: he has been overcome and captured by her. He is awestruck by her, and no longer in control. Of course, none of this is foreign to the experience of twenty-first century men.
The power of women over men is something that we see from very early on in Scripture. Adam unquestioningly follows his wife in eating from the tree and is judged by God for listening to the voice of his wife over the divine command. God also frustrates the woman’s desire for her husband. This desire is not, I believe, necessarily an evil desire to control him—although it can often be used in such a manner—but a desire to possess his heart. This is a good and proper thing in principle—women should exert powerful influence over their husbands—even though Eve used such power for evil.
Throughout the rest of Scripture we see the power that women have to direct the hearts of men. The wives of Solomon draw his heart away from the Lord. The power of Jezebel over Ahab placed all of Israel under tyrannical rule. Esther’s beauty and her captivation of the heart of the king saved her people. The importance of this dynamic is one reason why Wisdom is personified as a woman in Proverbs and opposed to the woman Folly. It is also why the search for Wisdom is treated in close parallel with the quest for a wife, and why the whole book culminates in a declaration of the wise wife, who brings together these two themes. As a man, you are going to give your heart into the hands of your wife, for good or ill. If you want to pursue wisdom, the choice of the woman to whom you give your heart is perhaps the most important one of all. If she is not a wise woman, any pursuit of wisdom you seek to undertake will be immensely difficult.
Men’s need to gain women’s approval makes them extremely vulnerable to their judgment. Consequently, men’s sense of self-worth is generally closely related to how they appear in the eyes of women. The judgment of male peers matters a great deal to men, but women are still the most powerful arbiters of their persons and character. A chronic fear of women is commonly found among young men, because such men seem to feel that the entirety of their being is being placed in the scales of Woman’s judgment whenever they approach an individual woman. They can’t see beyond the archetype of ‘Woman’ or ‘women’ as a group to the particularity of the person in front of them. Overcoming that fear of rejection requires a degree of differentiation of the individual from the group and the archetype, without ever fully separating them.
More generally, healthy groups of men care about how women regard them. They may no longer be teenagers performing tricks on their skateboards to get the attention of a girl they fancy, but they are still profoundly alert to how their stock in female approval is faring. And men’s concern on this front means that they will very frequently side with women against their male peers. If a man challenges a woman, there will often be other men that will come to her aid against him. The desire to be pleasing to women in general and certain women in particular is a powerful force that acts upon men’s behaviour.
This is also one of the reasons why men often find it harder to be weak and vulnerable with women than they do with other men (and a further reason why the loss of deep male community and the dependence of men upon marriage for the overwhelming majority of their close human companionship can be so devastating). A man who shows his weakness to women may often be met with a maternal kindness, but he will generally be less likely to be treated as an attractive partner. In other cases, he may not even be so lucky, and may simply face ridicule, revulsion, and rejection.
Bringing this all back to the subject of shame, the power over men’s shame is disproportionately held by women. Good women know how to use male shame to bring out the best in men. They do this by holding men to a standard of honour, treating them with respect and expecting and enabling men to live up to the high expectations that they have of them. In such an approach, the aversion of shame is merely the shadow cast by a vision of honour that a woman sets before a man. The aversion he feels to shame doesn’t drive him down into abjection, but draws him up into honour. Other women, however, hold men to a standard of shame, using guilt and blame to control men, render them abject, and conform them to their wishes.
This is one of the ways that feminism has gained so much ground in society, while driving men down. Men care deeply about what women think of them. So, if socially influential women advance the myth that the history of our civilization is overwhelmingly one of unrelenting male patriarchal oppression, a great many men will find themselves unable to object. Especially if such an opinion is dominant in women’s circles, few men will dare openly to gainsay it. In such a manner, feminism has advanced less by strength of academic argument than by shaming of men and the marginalization of female critics. Its arguments, while definitely not without some merit, simply aren’t strongly tested. Few would dare to do so.
The power of the narrative of the patriarchy is found in the ways that guilt and shame breed abjection and impotence. The best many men feel that they can do is, like the accused at a communist show trial, completely to assume the blame and responsibility that is directed at them. They cannot question or dispute any of the accusations levelled at their sex, but must unreservedly concur with the prosecution. Men who take upon themselves the shame and blame of their proclaimed status as patriarchal oppressors and start to bemoan the evils of their sex can be accepted by the revolutionaries, rehabilitated in their emasculation.
It will be impossible to understand the power of the social justice movement more generally without appreciating the power of female judgment and men’s vulnerability to being controlled through their shame and need for approval. A great number of men will forfeit any masculinity, rendering them unattractive to women and pitiful to themselves, merely in order to avoid shame. That is how powerful shame can be. Few decent and respectable men dare to argue publicly against viewpoints that are openly held by the most influential women in society. If they do so, they might find themselves thrust out of polite society and many men will, at women’s behest, rise to condemn them.
Gender theory and transgender ideologies, for instance, have not gained cultural cachet through intellectual credibility and philosophical rigour, but principally through men’s susceptibility to shame before female judgment and women’s fear of social ostracization by the most powerful women in society. As Peterson has observed, the herd-like dynamics of critical theorists—the way in which they all employ the same turgid jargon and reference the same few scholars—are driven in large measure by fear of sticking out, as the person who stands out will be eaten. The women who stand at the heart of a culture can be the most powerful people of all: ultimately, they are the ones that everyone will be trying to please.
It is interesting to notice how rapidly a man’s professed values and beliefs can change when he starts trying to please a particular woman. A woman’s power over the heart of her man can be used to lead him into all sorts of specious rationalizations in order to defend her. This is one of the reasons why gender dynamics in the contemporary public square are such a challenge, now that men and women are integrated. Dynamics of discourse in all-male groups are held at arm’s length from the force of female influence. When men interact with other men in such contexts, they tend to do so combatively, forcefully testing the strength of each other’s viewpoints. Such male codes of interaction have tended to set the terms of discourse in academic and public life until recently.
When women are included in such contexts, things become much more complicated, however. The first problem is that women’s typical forms of interaction are much less direct and combative, but are indirect forms of relational antagonism. Rather than directly challenging each other, women are more likely to attempt to leverage peer pressure against opponents, to ostracize their opponents from the group, to attack opponents’ reputations, to get third parties to intervene against them, etc., etc. These are all dynamics that we are currently seeing surrounding the social justice movement, which is itself associated with contexts that have become heavily female. While many, many women can readily adapt to more direct combative styles of discourse, the more women are found in a group, the more likely it is that more typically feminine modes of interaction will start to become prominent.
The second problem is that, when a number of women enter a group of men, the entire discourse of the men tends to change form by virtue of their presence. This effect can often be mitigated by those women functioning as if honorary males, but even in many such cases, men’s need to be pleasing to women will make it much harder for them to speak uncomfortable truths or voice controversial beliefs. An unpleasant minority of men will adopt a different approach, singling out women for particularly vicious attacks. As they feel that the shaming powers of women employed against them (even unintentionally) are a more personal form of attack than male counter-arguments, they can be cruel in their treatment of women.
Our culture likes to pretend as if gender can simply be wished away, as if we could all function as rule-governed neuters. But gender is still the elephant in the room. It is a force that we all act under and which determines so much in our society. Women’s mere presence in public discourse makes it incredibly difficult to challenge the sacred cows of progressivism without finding oneself frozen out. We have yet to discover anything approaching a solution to this problem. The norms surrounding the public square and public speech have been fairly gendered in most societies and they have been so for a reason. This definitely doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t aim for a more inclusive yet truthful public discourse, nor that such a form of discourse isn’t possible, but it is deeply naïve to think that it won’t require some pretty ingenious social choreography.
When the sexes are heavily integrated, what tends to happen is that the minority of men who have the will to resist the narrative of blame sustained by key influential women in the culture tend to gather around the few brave women who are prepared openly to dissent from the opinions that are most influential or established in female groups. Such women tend to come from the margins as dissenters in core cultural institutions would be unlikely to be able to speak up without being cast out. Consequently, most women just keep their heads down. The few women who stand up provide a measure of cover for men, which they would not enjoy if they openly spoke out themselves. Unless they had a few brave women by their side, their reputations would be savaged by the more influential women and most other women, even if they had sympathy for their opinions, wouldn’t dare approach them, lest they be ostracized. Other men would either attack them or carefully keep their distance.
Due to deeply instilled gender etiquette, honourable men aren’t permitted forcefully and combatively to confront a woman. If a woman advances unreasonable or irrational positions, honourable men really can’t act against them in the ways that they can act against other men, at least not without losing their honour in the process. Other women have much more power here, but, as Peterson observes, sensible and grounded women probably have better things to do with their lives than arguing with psychologically unbalanced gender theorists and the like.
All of this discussion, however, raises the issue of dishonourable and shameless men, of whom there is no shortage. There are a couple of things to note about such persons. First, there are some men who can get what they want from women easily, or who want little from women in the first place (I doubt that it is accidental that someone like Milo Yiannopoulos is gay). As Mark Regnerus argues, when sex is ‘cheap’, men will feel much less pressure to be of marriageable quality. They will still care about what women think of them to some extent, but if there are women who are prepared to hook up with them, that may well be enough. And there is no shortage of women to whom men of poor character can enjoy at least short term sexual access. Indeed, as many of these men’s male peers may lament, when many decent men are emasculated by shame and expected to be meekly compliant, shameless bad boys may enjoy the benefits of the natural attractiveness of manly traits, despite the fact that they are exercising them in a toxic form. Other men simply adopt misogynistic attitudes and turn their backs on women altogether, preferring to enjoy the sorry freedom of an isolated autonomy and authenticity than risk the prison of shame.
Second, when shame has been weaponized to gain power over men, shamelessness will be favoured as a sort of resistance. Without the weaponization of shame by the progressive left, it is highly unlikely that we would have President Trump in the White House. The appeal of Trump was, in no small measure, a result of the fact that he was the only candidate shameless enough to break the power of those shaming Americans into their oppressive vision for society.
When shame is so weaponized, people—and men in particular—need to develop the power to resist shame if they are to speak the truth. However, it is imperative that men don’t reject shame altogether. We must learn to be open to truthful shame—the shame that moves us in the direction of honour—and to be immune to the sort of shame that will bring us into bondage. Once again, this depends in no small measure upon listening to and caring about what women say, yet being exceedingly carefully and critically selective in determining which women’s opinions one should particularly concern oneself with. We must learn to be little concerned—though not entirely unconcerned—with the opinion of most women in society, while caring very much about the judgment of wise and godly women who know us well and watch us closely.
Women have a huge part to play here. They are the ones who are best situated to attack the error advanced by other women. If men do so, they risk being shamed as misogynists and being socially marginalized or attacked by other men who come to women’s aid. Women’s encouragement and support mean an immense amount to decent men, who care about women, but who also care about speaking truths that may alienate many. Especially in many online contexts, where boundaries between realms of formerly gendered discourse have collapsed, women who will openly speak out against popular and influential women who use the power of shame to twist conversations in their favour are tremendous sources of strength to men.
On other occasions, however, women’s recognition of their power in such regards should involve their standing back and giving space to men, withdrawing their power, or using it to encourage candour so that the rigorous testing of truth should not be undermined by the God-given strength of their influence over men. Sometimes this may be a matter of carefully refraining from exercising their power of shame even when they could employ it to gain an advantage. It generally should involve honouring men who are committed to speaking truthfully, even when they may disagree with them or say things that they don’t want to hear, while holding flatterers in low esteem.
Still other times it may mean abstaining from certain conversations altogether. This is one of the reasons, I believe, why Paul was concerned that the ‘glory’ of women be ‘veiled’ in some manner in worship, and why he challenged the participation of women in such things as the act of judging prophecy. This will be a hard word for many, especially in a society that champions unfettered individual opportunity and hates the notion of our genders placing unchosen limits upon us. However, these are limits imposed so that the power that women have been given can be used for the benefit and building up of all, rather than, in a drive for the maximization of personal influence and power, harming the community and its commitment to truth.
[1] Indeed, exercising such tyranny would have been nigh impossible were it not for the existence of such a natural difference in the capacity for the exertion and development of direct power in the first place (not just in the form of physical strength).
[2] This, incidentally, is one reason why a society with many unmarried men can be a very volatile place.
A couple of days ago someone drew my attention to a Twitter thread by Dr Anthony Bradley that has been receiving a lot of attention. Within the thread Bradley seeks to explain the appeal of Jordan Peterson to young guys to people who don’t know Peterson, or who don’t understand why he so resonates. The following are some thoughts springing out of Bradley’s thoughtful thread, which you really ought to read before reading the rest of this post.
At the heart of Bradley’s argument is the claim that men are struggling with shame as a result of a society that is ‘raising kids to be narcissistic, valued according to performance.’ I think that there is an element of truth to this, but also think that it doesn’t go nearly far enough: if you press beyond Bradley’s points, deeper issues come to light. Both male shame and the narcissism encouraged in modern parenting are effects of far deeper shifts in the form of society.
The Aporiae of Feminist Masculinity
The shame of masculinity in the current context cannot adequately be understood apart from some grasp of the ways in which various increasingly onerous and often contradictory or impossible demands close in upon many men today. Unable to satisfy such demands, the male self can slowly move beyond guilt for unfulfilled yet reasonable duties to a sense of shame in its inherent worthlessness, dysfunctionality, inadequacy, or impotence. In such situations, men can stop believing that they are people of inherent worth and dignity who may have done some things wrong to believing that some dimension of their very existence is wrong or worthless. To complexify the problem, many of these obligations and demands, if truly assumed, would be dignifying.
While this problem of shame is widely recognized, different parties tend to highlight different demands among those that impinge upon the male self. For feminists, for instance, the problem for men is toxic masculinity and the patriarchy. The patriarchy hurts men too! Feminism can supposedly help men by enabling them to deal with their vulnerability honestly and openly. If we did away with the patriarchy, men could all deal with their weakness, shame, and vulnerability without the pressure to ‘be men’ and to ‘man up’. The sources of toxic masculinity would steadily evaporate as a result and things such as the male suicide rate would plummet.[1] If we just educated men, their behaviour would be transformed and the world would become a great deal more egalitarian. The real problem here is cultural and educational: men simply are shaped by too many damaging messages.
There are some elements of this theory that will resonate for many men. The pressure to ‘man up’ and to pursue a highly performative masculinity can genuinely be oppressive and damaging for many. This pressure prevents men from being open or dealing with their genuine wounds or struggles, pressuring them stoically to maintain an appearance of confident masculinity while they are crumbling within. Nonetheless, feminist visions of masculinity have been deeply unattractive to the majority of men, who experience them as undignifying and emasculating. In addition, most men sense that the men who subscribe to feminist visions of masculinity are frequently not all that they appear, a fact that recent revelations have served further to expose. Such visions of masculinity play well to and can endear someone to a female audience, but most men know that there are forces within them that run far deeper than cultural messages and which fundamentally threaten or undermine feminist orthodoxies and visions.
There are Christian accounts of masculinity, also especially popular with women, that follow similar lines. Such accounts may even acknowledge the natural existence of some distinctive male tendencies and dynamics, but they use the work of the Spirit to trump these things, believing that inconvenient male tendencies and dynamics can be minimized and marginalized by this. This also enables them to attribute any aspect of masculinity deemed threatening or inconvenient to the sinful nature and to suggest that the Spirit is on the side of a highly gender-integrated and egalitarian society, where such traits are overcome, rather than redeemed. Sanctification is a sort of feminization.
While there are distinctive male vices that Scripture challenges, Scripture also accentuates distinctive male virtues as their alternative. Grace does not do away with nature, but glorifies it. Christ challenges and overturns many visions of masculinity, yet he still presents us with patterns of manliness, rather than just jettisoning gendered archetypes or models altogether.
Most men recognize a dark shadow cast by feminist visions of masculinity. While such visions of masculinity encourage men to be open with their weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and wounds, they are essentially hostile to men developing genuine strength (they also, as we shall see, require assuming a burden of shame in one’s sex). Rather than allowing men to be open about their weaknesses and wounds, supporting them in their impotence, picking them up, helping them to find their feet, and strengthening them as they move out into the world again, the men such a feminist vision of masculinity produce are all too often either abject and emasculated men with a low sense of worth or men who assume a mask of respectability while suppressing or hiding their deeper natures.
While most men believe that respect of women is a non-negotiable mark of healthy manliness, they feel quite stifled by feminist visions of masculinity that push men in the direction of things such as weakness, abjection, and radical deference to women (it is always important to remember that feminists represent a minority of women, just a very loud and influential one), rather than enabling men to play to and accentuate their own strengths. An underlying problem here is that, in an extremely anomalous situation historically—largely a result of a highly modern economy, an expansive social welfare structure, and effective birth control—women are increasingly competing with men on the same terms in our society. Male strength is a threat in such a situation and male cultures that celebrate and accentuate male strength are a direct threat to women’s advancement. The pathologization of such cultures as misogynistic is driven in large measure by the understandable desire for women to get ahead in realms historically created by, according around, and predominantly populated by men.
While feminist visions of masculinity may ostensibly offer men the chance to deal with their wounds and weakness and give them a form in which they can enjoy the moral dignity to be found in empowering the women in their life, the appeal of these visions is limited by men’s realization that this comes at the cost of both alienation from and pathologization of their own manly strength of agency. It also often leads to an abject stance relative to their own existence. Men start to spout nonsense suggesting that they are essentially what is wrong with the world and that the sort of strong, combative, and assertive masculinity that women can’t easily compete with is fundamentally toxic, while maintaining that women are wonderful in every way. While such male shame in masculinity is partially palliated by the moral approval of a female audience, men generally recognize that this isn’t healthy and steer clear.
Such problems are often further snarled up in the perverse interplay of themes of male strength and weakness in feminist discourse. As in the case of conservatives, the theme of male responsibility is a highly prominent one in feminist discourse and there is a reason why they often come close to converging with conservatives when talking about issues such as ‘deadbeat dads’, pornography, or male sexual behaviour. Rather than reckoning with the reality of male weakness at such points, men are assumed to be exercising and in possession of exceedingly high levels of purposive agency—considerably more than women, who are often framed as if passive victims. This enables us to hold men accountable, to lay the blame for problems at their door, and to expect them to turn everything around.
Even while calling men to be weak and vulnerable, feminism needs to align men with the highly agentic tyrannical father figure to blame for the state of the world, and tends to advance by lobbying and protesting patriarchal agencies to change their behaviour or act on their behalf. The responsibility that men are being expected to exercise is primarily a negative one, though: the responsibility of being the ones that assume the blame and must clean up the mess. The ritual self-immolations of the guilt-ridden feminist male will garner him a measure of praise, but he will never truly enjoy honour.
It must be remembered that feminism is a radical myth of male hyper-agency, a theory that depends upon an archetype of the immensely powerful and domineering male. At the heart of the Patriarchy is the figure of the tyrannical father, who, in practically every human society over history, has crafted the entirety of society around the interests of his class of men, controlling women and keeping other men in their place (one can’t help but be impressed by the scale of this imagined figure’s achievement!). This archetype provides the grand explanation for women’s marginalization in society, but it also generally requires that individual men and societies be approached as various manifestations of this grand gendered archetype.[2] This makes it difficult to recognize the interplay of strength and weakness in actual existing men, the possibility of the good yet powerful father, and the genuine variations between societies. Part of the reason why Peterson can approach young men with such compassion is because he doesn’t share the feminist fixation with the archetype of the tyrannical patriarch.
The archetype of the evil patriarch can also lead to a paradoxical need for extreme male strength to sustain the believability of the myth and archetype, even while any idea that men are stronger than women may be rejected as radically heterodox. Although the Patriarchy is declared to be culturally contingent and socially constructed, not natural, much of its force seems to depend upon its being treated as a powerful cross-cultural archetype.
There is a complex double bind here for men. As men are aligned with the tyrannical patriarch, yet the alternative of the good authoritative father is largely denied to them, men must assume the guilt and responsibility belonging to the former, while being refused the honour proper to the latter. Responsibility always comes attached to blame, as a law that sets up its recipient for condemnation and failure (even feminists don’t tend to find abject feminist men very attractive). The result is a shame and guilt-inflected vision of masculinity, one in which men are always being held culpable, yet have relatively little way in which they can enjoy the dignity of a positive responsibility.
The Church’s Shaming of Men
Christian rhetoric around masculinity is also shame-filled in various ways. Pastors harangue men for not attaining to a demanding set of expectations and to roles with which they may only be aligned in the form of pathology or failure, rather than in honour. Guilt and shame at inevitable failure and insufficiency is the natural result.
Why is the chewing out of men from the pulpit such a recurring theme in conservative Christian men’s experience? One could attribute it to theologies of total depravity, but while such theologies may be invoked at such points, one really wouldn’t see women being spoken to in a remotely comparable way. This is something I’ve found very curious when I’ve considered it in the past and I have occasionally wondered where it comes from. I have a few tentative suggestions about contributing factors, but am still uncertain of the answer. I would be interested to hear people’s thoughts. Here are some of my suspicions about contributing factors:
First, theologies of male headship that would be relatively unpalatable to many modern women need to be spun in a way that reduces the weight of the biblical teaching on submission and honouring of the husband and which identify headship less with the actuality of the husband’s place in the marriage than with some impossible ideal to which he cannot reasonably attain and set of extra responsibilities he can’t reasonably fulfil. When we lose sight of the natural fact of male headship—the man simply is the head and needs to be what he is graciously and lovingly—it can be reinvented as a Sisyphean cycle of duties that men must perform for their wives and children in order to become the head. No, the man simply is the head and his duty is a relative straightforward one: humbly to follow the example of Christ in loving his wife, not to drive himself into exhaustion and despair in trying to be some sort of superhuman. When this is forgotten, the result is that a supposed image of the Gospel becomes a condemning Law to the lives of many men. Headship and the example of Christ are presented as truths that burden men with their failure to live up to the standard, rather than as an honouring of their calling as husbands and fathers and an example to follow in grace.
Second, pastors see men sinning egregiously and acting in ways that really hurt others around them. Seeing the reality of the damage they are causing and the sins they are committing, pastors impute a level of intentionality and agency that is not actually present. They don’t adequately grasp men’s need for dignifying responsibility, rather than just the responsibility of blame. They don’t appreciate men’s weakness and their need to be built up and supported if they are going to overcome the destructive sins in their lives.
Third, pastors often have the greatest tendency to move in the direction of Law when they are preaching to their own failings. There may be a sort of subtle pride at work here: ‘I will preach grace into my congregation’s lives, but I am not going to go so lightly on myself—I must hold myself to a higher standard!’ No, grace and mercy are for pastors too, and they are the highest standard of all. A pastor may feel inadequate as a man, as a husband and father, and as a pastor. The answer isn’t to double down on his performance and to beat himself up in his sermons. No, he must receive free forgiveness and unmerited acceptance and then pass on to his congregation the life that he himself has been given. It is near impossible for a pastor to give to other men what he hasn’t received as a man. The perfectionism directed at men from pulpits is unlikely to be solved while pastors struggle with perfectionism themselves. This, of course, is a problem to which we all contribute by expecting pastors to be perfect, while starving them of the thick supportive Christian community of many overlapping ministries they need, practicing a form of church that is so often narrowly fixated upon the person at the front on a Sunday morning.
Fourth, despite the common notion that a male-only pastorate means that men control conservative Christian churches, pastors generally know which side of their bread is buttered and that the most influential core members of most churches are women. Those who have bought into the notion of the patriarchy are generally unable to appreciate the natural—and, in principle, appropriate—power that women generally wield over men in smaller communities, of which most churches are instances. As a pastor you can chew out young men from the pulpit with impunity, but if you fall foul of key women, you will be toast. While people seldom rush to men’s defence, people are much less likely to stand by if you directly challenge a woman. The strength of the pastorate in many churches lies in a group of married and older women who support the pastor and are the core of the social network of the congregation. Pastors don’t challenge this group much, but will often challenge others on their behalf. In particular, men and young single women must be kept in order. Hence, the authority of the Church has often been associated with the domesticating of men, as pastors bring men into line for the sake of their wives (this is one of the concerns behind complaints about the ‘feminization’ of the Church). Sermons challenging men to step up as husbands can go over very well with core women and strengthen the primary support base of the pastor within the congregation.
Fifth, related to the previous point, in an attempt to appear even-handed and not to give their sex special treatment, pastors may come down hard upon men. Rather than jeopardizing their credibility with women by speaking to men in ways that recognize men’s struggles and perspectives and take them seriously, pastors address men as if speaking as the counsel for the (female) prosecution. There is much about many men’s experience that women can struggle to understand and people who speak powerfully into men’s experience can be off-putting or alienating for many women, who may harbour the belief that men just need to behave more like women.
The fact that the other sex have needs and interests of their own that may be in tension with our interests is a truth that we can all struggle with on occasions. Vast numbers of men, for instance, hear Jordan Peterson telling truths about them that hardly anyone else has dared to voice in the public conversation and to speak as their advocate and in their defence. However, various of the truths—truths that I am also highlighting in this post—that he declares are perceived to be threatening by many women, because they make clear that their envisioned feminist paradise is not a healthy place for men and that we must all go back to the drawing board and work out a society that doesn’t merely benefit our sex, but which works for everyone. Men and women must thrive together or not at all.
Sixth, young pastors, who may lack the authority that naturally comes with age, wisdom, and weighty words, try to demonstrate their ‘authority’ by throwing their weight around. Beating down other men is one of the most convenient ways to do this.
Finally, as in the case of feminist visions of masculinity, there is a failure to imagine a realistic positive model of masculinity. While pastors are not focused on the archetype of the tyrannical patriarch as feminists are, they can deal with their failure of imagination by so emphasizing the example of Christ as something that men must live up to that men overwhelmingly encounter their responsibilities in the form of blame and shame.
Whatever the reasons, men can definitely be shamed by much teaching directed at them in churches.
The Problem of Virility
In the relatively recent Disney film Zootopia, the city of Zootropolis is entirely populated by anthropomorphic animals. Creatures who formerly would have been in a predator/prey relationship have evolved beyond those primitive instincts and now largely exist in harmony with each other. Tensions remain, however, with long-standing prejudices about the natures of different creatures stubbornly persisting and with many professions almost exclusively populated by certain types of creatures. The film follows Judy, a bunny and plucky female protagonist, who wishes to break the glass ceiling and become a police officer.
The original conception of the film, however, took the perspective of the male fox. It revealed that the cost of such a society was the forceful and painful repression of predatory instincts in all predators using a ‘tame collar’. These predatory instincts were not merely their killing instinct, but also their higher spiritedness and other strengths. The ‘tame collar’ was part of the broader cost of including the Judys of the world as equal members of the police force and other such parts of society. Even beyond wearing a tame collar, for a truly integrated society, the bulls, lions, rhinoceroses, and other such creatures would all need to behave more like bunnies, to be sensitive and inclusive, and to be pathologized for behaving as the kind of creatures that they are, even when they weren’t devouring others.
This was indeed a startlingly daring vision on Disney’s part and the fact that they did not go through with it is entirely unsurprising. It exposes some of the troubling questions raised by our visions of inclusive and egalitarian society and the hidden costs that this can impose. In particular, it shows the stifling and stunting repression we can feel when we are denied the liberty to exert our strengths and the problems that arise when we force those with contrasting natures into ever more integrated environments. Among other things, in our society, this relates to our inability to cope with virility in ever more gender-integrated environments.
Most decent men know that they should tone themselves down in various ways when they are around women. There are also certain truths about male nature that most women either don’t get or can’t easily stomach. For instance, women don’t usually understand the forcefulness of the male libido (attending to the accounts of transgender persons who have received testosterone may be one of the more illuminating windows onto the contrasts between male and female experience in this area, as I recently observed). A few weeks ago, Germaine Greer remarked: “We sexual reformers thought that when you took away the restrictions, when you let people express their sexuality freely, it would be less sadistic, cruel, humiliating, degrading…. We were absolutely wrong.” This exceedingly naïve assumption on the part of some sexual revolutionaries is one men would be much less likely to fall into than women. Did they even give a thought to the nature of the forces that they were liberating? Behind many of the complaints about our truly dehumanizing sexual culture lies an often ideologically-induced failure to reckon with the reality of the libido—the male libido in particular—and the sort of culture it will produce when key social limits placed upon it are removed.
Women can also struggle with the frequent roughness and combative character of male interactions; failing to appreciate the value and potential goodness of such a dynamic, they far too often pathologize it. They don’t appreciate the ways in which men thrive in such rougher environments. When historically male spaces become gender-integrated, men must tone themselves down in practically every realm of life. When men must restrain themselves across the board, the toning down becomes a stunting of men, rather than an expression of a manly magnanimity and respectfulness of women. While virility—a mastered manliness—was once a glorious strength and virtue of men, finding meaningful expression in many realms of life, it has become a problem in our society. Besides the often puerile or vicarious outlets and escape valves provided by such things as competitive sports or video games, virility is increasingly something that must be repressed, left undeveloped, and starved of meaningful expression.
Yet there is little dignity to be found in this and it is no surprise that many men feel an unmet hunger within themselves and perhaps also a sense of shame at their emasculation. While any true man should be self-controlled and restrained in appropriate contexts as a manifestation of his male virtue and self-mastery, if he lacks realms in which he can truly exert and develop his strengths, but must always restrain himself, he will become unhealthily repressed or impotent.
Practically every human society prior to societies of advanced modernity have clearly distinguished men from women, assigning them different yet overlapping and intertwined spheres and modes of activity, establishing extensive customs, rituals, and institutions around their interactions and relations, and giving them considerable realms of sociality that were largely exclusive to their own gender. Yet advanced modern societies are collapsing the realms of the sexes into each other, denying them meaningful realms apart from each other. The spaces that result are increasingly rule-governed, rather than being realms exhibiting natural gendered virtues. The compliant professional, whose rule-governed behaviour is distinguished from his private character, takes the place of the person of virtue, whose public self is not divorced from the character revealed in his private and personal dealings. One of the results of this is the pathologization of virility, as the all-male spaces that historically would have sustained, encouraged, and facilitated the expression and development of male virtues are lost due to the inclusion of women.
Perhaps one of the most controversial points that Peterson makes is that we still haven’t figured out if men and women can work together in the workplace in a way that enables both to thrive. We don’t know how to fit women neatly into structures that have historically worked according to male patterns of sociality, engagement, and hierarchies. This is truly a third rail in our cultural discourse, but he raises an important issue. Fully gender-integrated workplaces and societies are a radical experiment and we do not yet know whether or how our human nature can be made to thrive in the long term in contexts of such a kind. Indeed, a great many of the problems that we see in our workplaces, lives, institutions, and civil society can be traced back to the conflict between male and female forms of sociality, to the weakness of mere rules against the naturally-charged relations between the sexes, and to the breakdown of old patterns of interdependence between the sexes to be replaced by conflict, exploitation, or divergence.
Of course, the suggestion that, despite many pockets of seeming success, gender-neutralized society might prove to be a failed experiment more generally and in the long term is one that will instinctively be rejected by many. It is anathema to those who believe that we are all, at the most fundamental level, relatively interchangeable and fundamentally androgynous rational individuals and that such individuals can be subjected to rational control. Yet Peterson recognizes that being male and female and the differences and charged relationships that arise from that are deep structuring realities that no human society can afford to ignore.
The assumption that education and self-control are scalable and generalizable solutions to the unruly tendencies of human nature are beliefs common both to progressives and many Christians. Such people may protest the Pence or Graham Rules for limiting women’s progress in male-dominated organizations, for instance, but these are honest though limited attempts to grapple with challenges presented by human nature for which we have yet to find workable solutions. Even if things function in the majority of cases, there is a large minority where they demonstrably don’t. Wishing away human nature isn’t working, education doesn’t remove the problems, and our blind faith in rational control is in vain. Substituting outrage at Peterson’s regressive opinions for real answers isn’t going to help either.
While husbands and wives labouring together in gendered roles in the commonwealth of a household economy and enjoying highly gendered sociality in community with other men and women is a proven sustainable situation in countless cultures, the modern gender-integrated workplace often comes at a heavy and unappreciated price on our social and psychological health (much as the alienation of production from the household and the marginalization of women in a privatized domestic sphere that preceded it). While there are many positive dimensions to the integration of men and women’s lives and labour—radical segregation is not a healthy alternative—the problems of collapsing distinctions between the sexes in society and the workplace really aren’t difficult to see. It can stifle and alienate men and women in different ways, set them at odds with each other, reveal a mismatch between their instinctive social dynamics, and lead to problems of harassment, abuse, and infidelity.
While moderns like to see men and women as autonomous individuals, who just happen to be men and women (yet so individually that these classes are essentially meaningless), Peterson recognizes that maleness and femaleness run far deeper. In particular, they involve contrasting social dynamics and sexually-charged relations, which we cannot simply put on hold. Also, when we integrate the sexes throughout the society and lose meaningful and productive realms of all-male or all-female society, our own development as men and women becomes stunted and we experience a sort of self-alienation. Our starving and pathologization of men’s virility is one expression of this. Men can’t become men by spending the overwhelming majority of their time in contexts where women are heavily represented.
Virile men in the current environment can be deeply off-putting and threatening to women, which is one of the principal reasons why it is discouraged (the need for a biddable workforce in alienated forms of labour might be another). Without distinct yet overlapping realms of sociality, the sexes will find themselves in competition with each other. Virile masculinity takes up space and makes it difficult for women to occupy that space on equal terms. Pushing women back into a domestic sphere that has been shrunken to a powerless, unproductive, and socially marginal realm of consumption is no solution. However, we can’t continue the way we are going either.
The Loss of Male Society and the Rise of Performative Masculinities
To this point, I have highlighted a few key problems that the modern man faces. The modern man struggles to be open about wounds and weakness. However, he also struggles to find places and ways where he can truly be strong and virile. He needs to address his wounds and weakness for the sake of his health, yet cannot easily do that without losing sense of his masculinity or succumbing to a masculinity of abjection. He instinctively feels the natural goodness of virility, yet will be pathologized as patriarchal if he exerts it in a highly gender-integrated society. He may be condemned as a failure in his church. As Peterson recently lamented, such young men may never hear a truly encouraging word in their lives.
In the previous section, I highlighted the stifling of virility in a gender-neutralizing society, where the sexes no longer have meaningful realms of their own. This is exacerbated by the attenuation of connection more generally in a society where most of us no longer live in thick and stable intergenerational communities, in which our lives are no longer organically interwoven by the binding forces of extended structures of kinship, shared labour, custom, commerce, worship, etc. This produces a situation where each man increasingly must work out his masculinity for himself. Especially once one leaves full-time education, where conditions of community and sometimes even gendered community partially exist, masculinity is something that men increasingly must figure out in detachment and loneliness. It is important to consider that this male isolation and lack of meaningful connection is part of the yawning gulf that things such as porn and casual sex are vainly used to fill up.
When social roles are no longer given to us and we lack an intergenerational male community of brothers and fathers, the way that men come to terms with themselves as men fundamentally changes. It is akin to the change that occurred when men of various classes ceased dressing in a standard and fairly uniform fashion, with each person increasingly dressing in a manner calculated ‘authentically’ to express their individuality. In such circumstances, masculinity becomes either twisted or stunted. For many, a cosmetic masculinity substitutes for a masculinity of substance. A certain male style of economic consumption, growing a beard, wearing a particular clothing style, body-building, etc. can all be ways in which emasculated males live-action roleplay at being men. Faced with the pathologization of any actual manliness in much of the culture, a simulation of masculinity may be the best many can muster.
Without robust male community and given social contexts and roles, men are left to construct performative masculinities that act as a brittle façade over their insecurity. When social support and givenness falls away, erecting and maintaining this façade can become increasingly important and there is much less accommodation for weakness. Knowing that you are a man yet coping well with one’s weaknesses is considerably easier when you have a close-knit band of men around you to support you and confirm you in your masculinity. Male community can be a wonderful place to deal with weakness, but it needs to be strong, lasting, and deep to do this well.
Starved of such meaningful male community in which we can express, develop, and find support in our masculinity, be given roles to occupy, or clear models to follow, we become much more self-reflexive, fragile, and ‘performative’ in our masculine identities. ‘Being a man’ becomes an increasingly mysterious thing, framed by gnawing anxieties and uncertainties, rather than something that is just an unquestioned and given aspect of our personal existence.
One area where I am a bit wary about Bradley’s argument is in its emphasis upon teaching and ideas. It seems to me that, if we are looking for our masculinity in books or even from pulpits, we are doing it wrong. Books, more abstract ideologies of masculinity, and faddish cults have tended to flood in where the concrete reality of meaningful, purposive, and productive intergenerational male community has been lost. The teaching of people like Jordan Peterson are much-needed lemons for a scurvy-ridden generation of young men, adrift on the shoreless ocean of modernity. They are not, however, what a healthy diet looks like. A healthy diet is robust male community and there is no substitute for that.
I have heard exceedingly high praise of Bradley’s mentoring of young men and of the difference that he has made in such men’s lives. I suggest that teaching about masculinity matters a whole lot less than simply being a brother or father to other men, patiently rebuilding the fallen edifice of male community where we find ourselves, and that the example of Bradley’s practice may be a more important lesson than his arguments at this specific point.
When men struggle with weakness when starved of male community, they can be drawn not only to the hyper-performativity of masculinity cults, but also to the mawkishness of highly therapeutic male interaction, where men pick at their wounds with others they met with expressly for that purpose. The sort of connection that this makes possible can bring some genuine relief, but it is no solution. It merely addresses some of the more painful symptoms of the unaddressed void where male community used to be.
I strongly suspect that many women experience the same thing. Camille Paglia—who is too much of a troll for my tastes, but often puts her finger upon reality very effectively—has suggested that part of the exhilaration many women have experienced on the Women’s March and in other such female activism is in large part a result of the fact that they are fleetingly enjoying intense female companionship when they have been starved of it for too long.
The appeal of many war movies or of shows like Call the Midwife may hold great gendered appeal for similar reasons: both men and women find something compelling on a primal level in seeing gendered communities engaged in the weighty work of life and death. Even amidst the privations, suffering, and evils that these works can honestly depict, we recognize something truly life-giving at the heart of them. Neither men nor women thrive in societies where they are starved of productive, meaningful, and supportive community with others of their own sex.
None of this is to deny the value and importance of friendship between the sexes (I speak as someone who has enjoyed and continues to enjoy strong friendships with several women). However, it is to take seriously the gendered realities of friendship and to challenge the dangerous naivety with which this matter is approached by many. Friendships between men and women are different from friendships with other persons of our sex and must be approached with considerably more caution. This is especially the case when they are dyadic friendships, as opposed to friendships that exist chiefly within larger groups or which are forged by shared activities. Many such friendships are workable and wonderful, even though they require care and prudence. However, when men and women’s realms of sociality are collapsed into each other and men and women are expected to function with each other much as they would with their own sex, huge problems will fairly unavoidably arise.
People rightly point out that Jesus had women as friends and as members of his circle of disciples. This is extremely important to notice: the worlds of men and women belong together. However, it is no less important to notice that Jesus had a core group that was exclusively composed of other men, with whom he did his primary work. While Christ’s masculinity is often discussed in Christian circles, our modern mindset leads us to focus on Christ as an individual man performing his masculinity. What we can miss is that part of Jesus’ masculinity was surrounding himself with a close band of brothers as the spearhead of his mission. Jesus’ companionship with these other men, his travelling with them, eating with them, suffering hardship with them, the joy and sorrow he shared with them, and his leading them in his walk towards death are all essential parts of what it means for Jesus to be a man, not just a human.
The reality of male brotherhood is hugely important for many men. It is one of the reasons why soldiers returning from war can struggle so much: the loss of the close companionship of their unit and re-entry into a world of alienated and isolated masculinity is a huge blow. It is also why so many men can choke up watching certain scenes from films such as The Lord of Rings trilogy!
The need for this gendered community to be engaged in weighty work is hugely important. Without such a strong shared purpose for men, for instance, we either remain in the perpetual adolescence of an irresponsible and consumption-driven masculinity. Alternatively, our male communities can become about being men, rather than simply growing as men as we work together for some other end entirely. We won’t become men by pursuing ‘masculinity’, but by welcoming the responsibilities that fall to us in productive and purposeful community with other men, and growing in strength as we bear burdens together. Many church men’s groups would be far better off if they put the study guide on Christian manhood to one side and went out as a team of men to serve their communities.
Engaging with Peterson as a Scholar
Dr Bradley argues that Christians really should be attending to Jungians like Peterson and Robert L. Moore if they want to understand how to speak to men. Bradley’s foregrounding of Peterson’s Jungian background prompts the question of how to regard and approach Peterson more generally, a question which has been raised in various forms by a norm of people.
Bradley’s foregrounding of Peterson’s Jungian convictions highlights the fact that Peterson isn’t a mere self-help teacher, but is, among other things, a scholarly advocate of a particularly controversial school of psychology. This must be kept in mind when dealing with him. We should not be baptizing Jungian psychology or Peterson’s specific brand of it any time soon, as anyone with a more than superficial acquaintance with either ought to know. Others might be bemused or concerned about the appeal of a scholar who makes extensive use of evolutionary psychology to conservative Christians. Evangelical Christians are easily drawn in by fads and Peterson could just be the latest in a line of masculinity fads that grabs their attention.
Furthermore, Peterson’s vision includes a very great deal more than personal empowerment and growth (or even gender issues) in its purview. Peterson is tackling the biggest questions of all, questions of the meaning of life, of human nature, of religion and the existence of God, of the nature of a just society, of history and the future, etc. His appeal to young men and Christian men more particularly cannot easily be separated from these things. He talks with compassion and insight into their experience, but he also draws them beyond their immediate experience into engagement with a meaningful reality far, far greater than themselves. While he has a very gendered appeal, he is far more than just a male form of someone like Brené Brown, who, for all of the genuine merits of her work, is operating within much narrower horizons.
What about his more particular ideological commitments, in particularly his Jungian psychology and his commitment to—admittedly, a seemingly non-reductionist form of—evolutionary science? When one looks more closely, these things don’t seem to be incidental to most of what Peterson is saying. Similar sorts of ideological commitments have discredited many other thinkers to conservative Christians, yet many conservative Christians who would strongly resist the Theory of Evolution and would recoil from much Jungian psychology if they were more aware of it have extended Peterson a rapturous welcome. What gives?
Here it is important to consider that what many Christians are appreciating in Peterson is not so much the very specific and developed forms of Jungian psychology or the underlying claims of evolutionary science. Rather, they are (rightly, I believe) appreciating the realities to which these frameworks assist Peterson in attuning himself.
In particular, Jungian psychology, in contrast to much psychology of a more conventional flavour, encourages attentiveness to the deeper structures of the human psyche, calling us to understand humanity from within. Human psychology isn’t primarily a matter of performing experiments on human beings as if they were lab rats or of theorization about abstractions, but of cultivating a deep awareness of the complex realities of human consciousness, whether within our minds or externalized in our cultural products. It helps us to recognize archetypes and the way that they register and resonate in our consciousness. It assists us in understanding the way that things such as the reality of male-and-female are psychically structuring forces for humanity as a whole. People who are attuned to archetypes will, even if they have many problems in their understanding of this area, see a lot that many contemporary minds miss. You will not really begin to understand passages such as Genesis 1-3 or Scripture more generally without some sense of a divinely created archetypal reality, in which male and female are archetypally related with different dimensions of reality. We really can’t retrofit the post-gender society created by various forces of modernity into the world of Scripture: male and female lies at the very heart of its reality.
People who approach the Old Testament in particular with the decidedly modern mindset that believes that we are all fundamentally individuals, who just happen to be male and female, different in quite secondary ways, really will be oblivious to much that is going on. They will miss the different ways that Adam and Eve are related to the earth, for instance. They will fail to see that Eve is more directly aligned with ‘Mother Earth’ (the adamah), while Adam is placed over against both. Just how deeply sexual difference is woven into the fabric of reality itself (for instance, the ways in which the sun and the moon are connected with male and female) will pass them by, because they’ve lost a sort of basic awareness that is pretty much universal in premodern societies.
People who recover such awareness of the inner architecture of the psyche and its resonance with broader realities in the world and bring it to bear upon human experience will often be able to speak very powerfully and effectively into the concrete reality of human experience. By contrast, for instance, much of the critical theory that is popular in our society is blind to psychology, as its poststructural ‘self’ is largely an superficial epiphenomenon of various social forces. For all of their many glaring faults, Freudian and Jungian psychology are alert to an inner symbolic world and to the archetypal and objective realities that structure it. Such an alertness will hold the interpreter of Scripture in good stead, as, if it is difficult to understand the reality of creation without this, it will be nigh impossible to understand things such as the sacrificial system.
What about Peterson’s evolutionary convictions? Peterson’s references to evolution function mostly to identify the mechanism by which to explain the ways in which and the reason why certain things are so adapted to each other. Yet even Christians who reject evolution should believe in the deep implication of created realities with other realities. The man is formed of the earth as his mother. He is related to it and profoundly adapted to it: the man is created for the immediate purpose of tilling the ground and there is a symmetry between the task and reality for which he has been created and his being. The woman is built from the side of the man, built to form a unity with him in love. They are fitted to each other and fitted to their chief purposes: the man is especially related to the earth and the woman is especially related to the work of union and bringing forth of life.
Whether you attribute it to the evolutionary mechanisms of natural and sexual selection or not, the fittingly ordered reality of us as human beings, male and female, is worthy of our notice and attention. Once again, in contrast to gender theory, which is largely oblivious and ideologically resistant to nature, evolutionary biologists tend to be alert to and aware of the innumerable ways in which male and female human beings are naturally fitted in different ways for different ends.
Anyone who would swallow Peterson’s theories wholesale and uncritically is in serious danger. There is a fair amount of error mixed in with the good. However, Peterson is asking the right sort of questions and can help to alert us to realities to which much of the rest of our society—and the Church with it—has become blind.
Conclusion
Summing up, Dr Bradley’s thread puts its finger on the key issue of male shame and identifies part of the reason why Peterson so resonates with young men today. However, I believe that he doesn’t go far enough in identifying its causes. Male shame chiefly results from the subjection of isolated men to increasingly unattainable and contradictory demands that set them up for blame-ridden failure. Men’s struggles also can’t be understood apart from a recognition of the loss of male community and the individualization of male identity. Peterson recognizes men’s stifled natural hunger for virility and speaks to it, holding out to men the possibility of attaining a true manly dignity, while relieving men’s burden of shame in the process.
The increasingly therapeutic framing of masculinity is largely a result of the lack of male community in a gender-neutralizing society. Denied such community, masculinity will increasingly be experienced as a wound that needs to be tended. People like Peterson may be helpful in enabling some men to recover a measure of manly dignity. However, they really can’t substitute for the organic reality of male community. The response to the contemporary crisis of masculinity is not going to be a new and better theory or self-help programme for individuals (which, for all his strengths, is where Peterson largely leaves us), but must be a recovery of robust, deep, and enduring intergenerational male community pursued in meaningful and productive activity.
Finally, we really must approach Peterson with critical awareness and caution. There is much in his work that needs to be sifted out. However, his underlying theoretical convictions foster an attentiveness and alertness to key dimensions of reality to which most of our society is blind. While we may disagree with some of his underlying theoretical claims, we can be justifiably appreciative of what they assist him in seeing.
Peterson among others, helps us to understand some of the reasons why, despite the immense gains of modern society, so many men and women are languishing in our culture. We have enjoyed unprecedented gains in material wealth, generally enjoy a remarkable degree of physical safety, and have immense scope to exercise our individual autonomy. Mortality rates have plummeted, and life expectancy has shot up. So many of the boundaries that once constrained us have fallen away, enabling us to enjoy possibilities our ancestors couldn’t even have dreamed of. We live and work in comfort and security.
Nevertheless, despite all of these gains, and in some respects partially because of them, our lifeworld is slowly unravelling in a great many ways. Our societies seem listless and their sense of purpose is evaporating. A steady stream of men is dropping out of employment and society. Our culture’s imagination is suffering an intense infestation of porn, filling the hearts of both men and women with different forms of shame. We are marrying at much lower rates, but divorcing at an extraordinarily high rate by historical standards. Sex has ceased to mean anything to many and has been reduced to a form of play. We have ceased to reproduce ourselves. Our children are growing up in broken homes or with single or unmarried parents. Social capital isn’t being built up over generations, but is rapidly lost. We are struggling with a devastating degree of loneliness. We are losing faith, not just in God, but in ourselves. We are increasingly governed by our lowest natural instincts and losing sense of virtue. We are becoming reliant upon medication and other forms of substances in order to function. We are forfeiting dominion and increasingly function as coddled consumers. We are paranoid and fearful about the future. Our social fabric is threadbare and fraying. Our politics are fractious and polarizing. We are rapidly destroying our planet.
The immense material pleasures and bodily benefits of modernity notwithstanding, our souls seem to be starving in a world ordered by abstract technique, rather than around the natural human order of maleness and femaleness. At different points one or the other sex may suffer the toxic effects of modernity more keenly.[3] Men’s longing for the dignity and liberty of virility may be experienced as an unwelcome threat by women who have been pressed into competition with men as detached individuals. Women’s longing for the dignity of being held in honour at the heart of the life of society, enjoying weight in its affairs, and having scope for the exercise of their extensive gifts and abilities may be experienced as an unwelcome threat by men who desire autonomous power without the shackles of responsibility. However, both hungers are legitimate and God-given and we must work towards a society where both are met. This must not be a zero-sum game.
Peterson awakens and addresses some of these longings, particularly in men. He resonates with men who have been starved of the close companionship of brothers and the guidance and encouragement of fathers. He resonates with men who have only encountered responsibility in the form of blame and shame. As Dr Bradley observes, many such men have grown up in our churches and have been ill-served by the teaching they have received from the pulpit.
We will not begin to address these needs until we stop treating people as relatively interchangeable genderless and detached individuals and begin to attend to the deeper dynamics of gendered personhood and the prominence of sexual difference as a structuring reality of humanity. This requires that we go far beyond maintaining some façade of complementarianism in home and church, while we largely continue to function relatively uncritically within a society of technique that is paving over our human lifeworld, denying us the conditions we need to thrive—purpose, meaning, belonging, posterity, agency, male and female dignity and society, etc.—and steadily poisoning our spirits.
[1] Admittedly, a glance at the levels of male suicide in various countries really does not add strength to the claim that patriarchy is the cause of high levels of male suicide and feminism is the solution. The lowest levels of male suicide are found in countries like Pakistan, Jamaica, UAE, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, while the oft-celebrated Nordic feminist paradises have rates four or five times higher.
[2] One of the reasons why a woman’s positive relationship with her father is such a powerful inoculation against extreme versions of feminism is because it robs this archetype of its intense imaginative power.
[3] I am not persuaded that modernity as such is the problem. Rather, the unleashing of technique unchecked or unconstrained by the needs and interests of natural human society is the key issue.
A review of mine on Mark Regnerus’ recent book, Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamyhas just been posted over on The Gospel Coalition website. Within the book, Regnerus describes and seeks to explain the shape of contemporary sexual culture in the West. It is a worthwhile book and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to delve into these issues:
Regnerus draws our attention to the readily demonstrated (yet controversial) fact that the mating market is naturally asymmetrical. In the relational dance, men are primarily pursuers, while women are primarily the “recipients of sexual pursuits” (53). Men naturally have a more pronounced sexual appetite than women (there are exceptions to this pattern, and women clearly want sex too, but the pattern of greater male sexual appetite is a clear and crosscultural one), while women naturally bear the greatest costs of procreation. Women historically had great need for men’s protection and provision, while men needed women to have children and satisfy their sexual appetites.
While women formerly controlled access to sex—collectively keeping its “price” high in order to defray the costs of bearing and raising children and to select for provident and committed husbands and fathers—with the advent of contraceptive sex, the price of sex no longer has to be high (this article by Timothy Reichert helpfully describes some of the “market” dynamics at work). Contraception proved to be a great trade-off: women gained the means for greater economic independence from men and increased sexual autonomy, while losing their power as sexual gatekeepers as the price of sex plummeted. “Women want men but don’t need them, while men want sex but have more options now” (60).
Read the whole thing here and consider buying a copy of the book for yourself.
Earlier this week, I had a thoroughly enjoyable day at Ian Paul’s Festival of Theology event, a day devoted to eight TED-talk style presentations, each followed by questions. If you don’t already know him, Ian Paul is the blogger at Psephizo—you really should follow his work, he has some exciting things in the pipeline. The day was very successful and there should be other such events in the future!
I gave a presentation on the subject of virtue ethics in a virtual age. Ian has just posted a version of it over on his blog. Do take a look!
The novelty of the Internet and of social media in particular lies in the extent to which our selves and communities are migrating to a realm of representations, spectacle, and simulation, virtual realms that are steadily replacing many aspects of the realities. As the French philosopher Guy Debord wrote in the 1960s, observing the direction society was heading even in his own day: ‘Everything that was directly lived has moved away into a representation.’
The ‘self’ on social media is primarily a represented self, an artifice or projection, constrained by the media in which it operates. You can be whoever you want on Facebook, provided you express that self in the structures that Facebook affords you. For instance, whatever self you express, that self will exist within a framework that is designed to make you scrutable to algorithms and marketable to advertisers.
Just a note to say that I just checked my spam filter and discovered a number of genuine comments that it prevented from coming through. I’ve approved the comments and they should appear beneath the posts now. I can’t answer them right now, but will do so when I have time. If one of your comments ever disappears, please send me a note, or leave a comment without any links alerting me to the fact that your comment didn’t appear when you posted it. It almost certainly hasn’t vanished into the ether, but is in my spam filter, waiting to be salvaged.
In unrelated news, the Theopolis Institute’s blog also reposted my recent Jordan Peterson post here.
Last night, along with a few online friends, I watched this debate on the meaning of life between William Lane Craig, Rebecca Goldstein, and Jordan Peterson, hosted by Wycliffe College. While watching it, and reflecting upon Peterson’s work more generally (about which I’ve writtenin the past), I was struck by some of the lessons that preachers can learn from Peterson. Several of the people I was watching with gave thoughts of their own, some of which I have incorporated into this post.
1. People are longing to hear true and weighty words. Peterson is someone who takes truth extremely seriously, treating it as a matter of the deepest existential significance. Telling lies will lead you to perdition. He first came to international attention through his resistance to Canada’s Bill C-16 and his opposition to compelled speech in relation to the pronouns used for transgender persons. What animated Peterson on this issue was not opposition to some supposed transgender agenda so much as the more general principle of truthful and uncoerced speech.
Listening to Peterson speak (the video above being an example), one of the most striking things to observe is how carefully he weighs his words, the way he manifests his core conviction that words matter and that the truth matters. People hang on his words, because they know that he is committed to telling the truth and to speaking words by which a person can live and die. The existential horizons of life and death are foregrounded when someone speaks in such a manner.
We live in a society that is cluttered with airy words, with glib evasions, with facile answers, with bullshitting, with self-serving lies, with obliging falsehoods, and with dishonest and careless construals of the world that merely serve to further our partisan agendas (‘truth’ merely becoming something that allows us to ‘destroy’ or ‘wipe the floor with’ our opponents in the culture). In such a context, a man committed to and burdened with the weight of truth and who speaks accordingly will grab people’s attention.
Christian pastors should be renowned for such truth-telling, for their commitment to speaking as if their words really mattered and for the courage to say what needs to be said, even when it is unpopular. This requires taking great care over one’s words. Weighty words are harder to speak. It also requires refusing to speak on many issues. When you weigh your words more carefully, you realize that you do not have weighty words to speak on many matters. The more easily you are drawn into unconsidered or careless speech (social media affording many traps here), the less value people will put on your words. The more seriously you take the truth, the more cautious you will be in your speech.
Even when Christians do speak the truth, we so often speak it glibly and lightly, as those who aren’t putting weight on our words. We have polished answers to objections, platitudinous counsel, and tidy theological frameworks, but possess no gravitas because our hearers regard our words as little more than a showy yet hollow façade. Declarations of the profoundest doctrines trip off our lips as if they weighed nothing at all. We can become more exercised about a recent piece of pop culture than about Christian truths by which we can live and die. Our speech is superficial and shallow, conveying no recognition of the seriousness of handling the truths of God and our responsibility for the lives of our hearers. Much of what Peterson is saying is not new at all, but is familiar to anyone who has been around for a while. The difference is that Peterson is declaring these things as if they really mattered, as if in his speech he is actually reckoning with reality in all of its power, scariness, and danger. This wakes people up.
2. People need to hear voices of authority. As I argued in my recent post, when someone speaks with authority, people sit up and pay attention. Our society has tended to shrink back from authoritative words, as such words threaten people’s autonomy (‘who am I to tell you what to do, man?’). Speaking authoritatively seems to shame, judge, and make claims upon people, all of which are anathema to contemporary individualistic society. However, carefully spoken words of authority can be life-giving. They can give direction and meaning to people who are lost, hope to those in despair, light to those in darkness, and clarity to those in doubt. People desperately need to hear wise and loving words of authority from people who know what they are talking about, rather than being left without authority or harangued by leaders without the depth of character to speak the words they utter.
Peterson is, for a great many young men in particular, the father they never had. He is someone prepared to speak into their situation with a compassionate authority. His authority is not an attempt to control them or to secure his own power over them, but functions to direct them towards life. He isn’t wagging his finger at them, but is helping lost young people to find their way. People instinctively respond to such authority. Such a fatherly authority is rare in our society, but many people are longing for it. This is the sort of authority that pastors can exemplify and by which they can give life and health to the lives committed to their care.
3. People need both compassion and firmness. It is striking how, almost every time that Peterson starts talking about the struggles of young men, he tears up. This recent radio interview is a great example:
Peterson’s deep concern for the well-being of young men is transparently obvious. Where hardly anyone else seems to care for them, and they are constantly pathologized and stifled by the ascendant orthodoxies of the culture, Peterson is drawn out in compassion towards them. He observes that such young men in particular have been starved of compassion, encouragement, and support. There is a hunger there that the Church should be addressing.
However, Peterson’s compassion is not the flaccid empathy that pervades in our culture. He does not render young men a new victimhood class, feeding them a narrative of rights and ressentiment. Rather, he seeks to encourage struggling young people—to give them courage. He tells them that their effort matters; their rising to their full stature is something that the world needs. He helps them to establish their own agency and to find meaning in their labour.
People notice when others care about them and respond to them. However, far too often our empathy has left people weak and has allowed the weakness and dysfunctionality of wounded and stunted people to set the terms for the rest of society. Peterson represents a different approach: the compassionate authority of mature and wise persons can shepherd weak and lost persons towards strength, healthy selfhood, and meaning. Pastors can learn much from this.
4. People are inspired by courage and a genuine openness to reality. Peterson exemplifies existential struggling with and openness to a real and weighty reality. By contrast, cowardice, acedia, a shrinking back from reality into the safety and comfort of our ideological cocoons, and a preoccupation with shallow theoretical games are largely characteristic of the existential posture of both the society and our churches. You won’t have real experience without courage and openness to a real reality, yet so much of our lives involve childish squabbling and ironic posturing about a reality in which we have little deep personal investment.
Pastors need to display such courage and openness to reality, as these traits beget the experience that will give their words weight. The example of such a pastor will also lead people into true life, rather than just sealing them off from struggling with suffering, sin, questions, and reality more generally. If you lack courage and openness to reality, your teaching will often also serve to close people off from reality, to dull their questioning, to soundproof their lives against the voices that might challenge or unsettle them, to rationalize and facilitate their shrinking from the world. Too many pastors are concerned to reinforce a pen in which they secure their flocks, rather than to protect and minister to them as they undertake their perilous pilgrimage through the vale of shadow.
We should also consider the relationship between preachers and congregations here too. We often lack manly and courageous preachers because we ourselves are so cowardly. We don’t want to be unsettled and challenged. We want messages that are reassuring, comforting, pleasing, and convenient, rather than messages that call us to action, effort, responsibility, or present us with difficulty. There are many with a hunger for courageous engagement with reality and truth and a disgust with people who shrink back from it into palliating falsehoods. Unfortunately, when they look at the Church, they mostly see the latter.
5. Being a student of human nature matters. Peterson stands out from many scholars in the humanities and social sciences because he is attentive to people. Far too much scholarship in the humanities and social sciences treats human beings primarily as conceptual constructs or as lab rats. Particularly in the social sciences, one witnesses an over-reliance upon scientific methods for understanding and measuring human beings. However, Peterson reveals that there is no substitute for understanding human nature and that, in attempting to understand human nature, there is no substitute for paying close attention to many people. Much social science attempts to understand human nature as if from without, while a wise student of human nature will exhibit a knowledge of human nature from within.
Something that makes Peterson stand out from many of his critics is that Peterson has countless hours of attentive listening to and engagement with clients in practice and is expert at noticing. Through such clinical engagement, Peterson has been attentive to human nature as it functions from within. He has learned much about what makes human beings tick, how they find meaning, how things can go wrong in their lives, and how people can be restored to well-being. As a practitioner, he notices things that reigning ideologies train us not to notice, not least the differences between the ways that men and women tick. As an attentive student of human nature and experience, Peterson is well able to speak into people’s experience with a wisdom, insight, and authority that those who merely devote themselves to books, theories, and experiments lack.
Once again, pastors have much to learn from this. Many pastors are narrowly focused upon Scripture and theology. However, the pastor is responsible for human lives and he must be a diligent student of them. Pastoral visitation and counselling is not only an important part of a pastor’s general duty, but is also a necessary part of his preparation for preaching. In approaching such visitation and counselling, the pastor shouldn’t merely be concerned to dispense his wisdom and advice, but must also be concerned to grow in his own knowledge, to learn new lessons for himself. As pastors devote themselves to learning about human nature and experience, they will be better able to speak powerfully and truthfully into it. The opportunity and responsibility to learn from close and sustained attention to human nature and experience are afforded to a pastor to a rare degree. If a pastor will dedicate himself to this, he will become much more effective and powerful in his teaching.
6. A compelling presentation of truth is enough to get people’s attention. Peterson doesn’t speak as an entertainer. He doesn’t use flashy audio-visuals. He isn’t relentlessly up-beat. He doesn’t give people a comfortable and affirming message. He isn’t young and hip. He often speaks at great length and makes heavy demands upon his listeners’ attention spans. He tells people about their responsibilities, and downplays messages about their rights. He says a lot of things that challenge and discomfort his audiences. And yet people still flock to hear him and have their lives turned around by what he has to say.
Many contemporary churches have carefully diluted the Christian message to make it more palatable to prevailing cultural tastes. Pastors speak like entertainers, salesmen, and self-help gurus. Yet Peterson is a self-help teacher who speaks like a preacher! There is a great deal more actual engagement with Scripture in many Peterson lectures than there is in the average Joel Osteen sermon. Even though he is far from an orthodox Christian, Peterson’s lectures are full of references to Christ, to God, to hell, to evil, to redemption, and to other themes that display the power of the Christian message to illuminate the meaningfulness of the world. Peterson speaks with a genuine urgency and passionate intensity, displaying his conviction that the lives of his audiences depend upon his presentation of the truth.
In this Peterson provides a salutary reminder to the Church that preaching need not be considered a dying medium. Done well, preaching can speak into people’s lives with a force that few other forms of speech can achieve. Yet in seeking to recover the importance of preaching, preachers could also learn much from Peterson’s attention to humanity, his compassion, his gravitas, his concern for truth, his care over his words, his courage, and his authority. If Peterson can so powerfully resonate with certain fragments of Christian truth, how powerfully could a full-bodied presentation of Christian truth speak into the disorientation of contemporary society?
There are few issues that confront us on as many fronts in contemporary culture and theology as those relating to sex and gender. Yet Christian responses to these pressing challenges are often uncertain, reactive, piecemeal, and lacking in wisdom.
This course presents an alternative approach. Within it students will learn how to coordinate the resources and insights of different theological and other disciplines into a unified, robust, and compelling positive Christian vision. Students will explore how such a vision can inform wise action.
The course will extend students’ attention beyond the controverted texts of the gender debates to develop an expansive biblical theology of the sexes, demonstrating the theological potential and importance of a careful literary and typological reading of Scripture in the process. Bringing scriptural insight and the Christian tradition into conversation with research in the natural and social sciences and work in the humanities, students will also learn how Christian thought can be enriched by such engagement and how we are able to speak with confidence into debates in contemporary culture.
Over a week of lectures and seminar sessions, this Christian vision of the sexes will be brought to bear on a variety of specific theological, practical, cultural, and theoretical questions, demonstrating the capacity of such an integrated vision to enhance the force and clarity of our Christian witness. Questions relating to issues such as the gendering of God, ministry in the Church, same-sex marriage, men and women at home and work, along with several others, will all be addressed during the week.
In addition to equipping students to respond wisely to specific challenges of our contemporary Christian and social contexts, this course will train students to hold biblical insight, theological doctrine, philosophical reflection, scientific research, and cultural reality into fruitful relation. It will demonstrate how principled and prudent ethics arise from the establishment and maintenance of such a relation.
For anyone interested in my forthcoming book on the subject, prior to its release this is perhaps the nearest thing there will be to a broad presentation of its thesis. There will, of course, be lots of time devoted to interaction and questions over the period too, along with a series of lectures by Peter Leithart. The registration deadline is March 5, but, if you are interested in attending, I’d recommend registering as soon as you can.
Davenant House Summer Programmes
Last year, I led a couple of summer programmes in which we explored a series of texts contributing to a vision of Christian wisdom. The feedback from the courses was very positive, and a couple of courses have been scheduled for June. The first is a five-day course from June 11-16 and the second a ten-day course from June 18-30. I highly recommend these courses to anyone who would like to explore Christian thought and its contemporary relevance more deeply, while enjoying fellowship with other students in incredible natural surroundings in South Carolina. You can read some of the feedback from last year’s courses here. I am really looking forward to being involved in this study programme again, having had such a wonderful time last year.
There is a discount for people who register early, so don’t miss your opportunity!
A commenter recently requested that I restart my links posts. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to happen: writing links posts was a lot of fun, but I did not feel that it was the best use of my time (open mic threads are unlikely to be revived either, for similar reasons). What the commenter didn’t realize, however, was that I have a Twitter account devoted to links. It occurred to me that some of my readers, especially newer ones, may not be aware of the existence or of how to access some of my material. With that in mind, here is a quick list of where to find things:
@Zugzwanged: My personal Twitter account, where I am currently inactive, but from which my posts here are all linked.
Postcards from the Oubliette: My personal Tumblr account, intermittently active. I have an inactive Tumblr devoted to crafting, especially knitting, but I am not sharing the details of that. Nor am I sharing the details of my old website devoted to general wordgaming nerdery.
Curious Cat: Where I answer questions. Again, this is currently inactive, but may be revived in the future.
40 Bikes: A backup of my really old blog. I no longer agree with certain of my positions there. Caveat lector. The blog that I ran during my time in St Andrews was backed up onto my current blog when I first started it.
Writings Elsewhere: Links to pretty much all of my posts on other sites.
Books: Links to books I have written or to which I have contributed, along with a number of free ebooks.
Larger Projects: Hover over this title in the bar at the top to see links to a number of larger blogging projects I have started (and a few I have finished) over the years. Particularly noteworthy are my 40 Days of Exodus series, which may whet your appetite for my forthcoming book on the subject with Andrew Wilson, my notes on Luke and John, and my post of questions and answers on same-sex marriage (my most popular blog post ever).
Photos and Travel: Photos of various special occasions and holidays. See my three part series on my America trip, for instance.
About: A very brief (and old) bio and the page where people generally contact me.
I think that is pretty much it, save for the donate button, which is in the sidebar. I generally avoid asking for money and my blog has always operated at a loss, but donations to defray some of the costs of hosting are always most welcome!
I’ve just posted over on Political Theology Today, discussing the authority with which Jesus spoke and arguing that we need to communicate this authority today:
The authoritative word still retains considerable power in our day and age, even though we often find ourselves recoiling from its immodesty. It is far better, we may believe, always to hedge our statements with affirmations of individual choice, the right of each person to determine their own good, and deflationary qualifications reducing our words to the level of private opinion. Even though obligation is not the same as compulsion, we would not want to trespass upon the right of people to determine their own course of action. However, on those shocking occasions when someone dares to speak authoritatively—firmly, yet without hectoring, acquainting others with their obligation to act in a specific manner—many may still experience it as a form of weighty liberation.
One of the dangerous yet important characteristics of the Church’s ministry is its authoritative speech: authorized by Christ himself, the Church is to communicate Christ’s own authority, obliging and releasing people to act in line with it. The Church does not just dispense advice, but declares the word of Christ which obliges us to follow and by which one day we will be judged. The authoritative word of Christ furnishes lost and disoriented people with truthful ways of life.